I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
