is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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