either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
