We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
