Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
