What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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