FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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