Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
