hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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