mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
