i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
