dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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