Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Randomize
