My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
