i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
