So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize