If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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