The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
