imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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