Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
