Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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