So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
