just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
