Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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