I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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