oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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