My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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