I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
