She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
4 words: hood of his car
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
