So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude i'm inner monologue high
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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