Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
