No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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