It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
