Define "chronic" masturbator.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
