My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's like God shit irony all over that family
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
