All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
