She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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