Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
