this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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