So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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