dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
