guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
