Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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