thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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