On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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