Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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