I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
