I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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