It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
