sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
