a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
