Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can't put those talents on a resume
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize