can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
