You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize