i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
