I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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