allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
