Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
