you guys were way drunker than both of me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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