What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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