she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize