i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
