I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
