Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
