his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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