I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
