The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
this will be a night to untag.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
