whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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