She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
