One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
