I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
