Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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