i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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